Newly Efficacious

The onion is the allegorical example best applied. As layers are peeled back, the core is better revealed, better realized. It may take some tears, it will definitely take determination, and what you find on the inside probably won’t look much at all like what you started with on the outside.

As I used to wander through life, it was easy to carry a chip on my shoulder, my heart on my sleeve and a monkey on my back. My mind was open to any possibility, however, at the time, I only put myself in places where not very much could’ve been possible. I was like a photographer using a wide-angle lens to capture a very narrow pocket of space, like the intersecting vertices of two walls meeting the ceiling. I had my head buried in the sand, so to speak, and I was nosing my way deeper and deeper into oblivion.

The day I met the Colorado River, a whole new world of possibilities began to show itself to me. The water, the current, the silt, the blue sky, the never-ending sun, the red rock, the yucca, the whiptail, the turkey vulture and the golden eagle…the list is endless. Torrential adrenaline rushes in whitewater and serene scenery in calm water opened my mind like no batch of acid ever could have. I saw nature for everything it was worth. As each day on the river went by, I knew less and less what this world, this life and my place in it was all about. What was most important, was that I was beginning to feel alive. When you spend any length of time under water wondering if you’re going to be able to come back out, it’s like a rebirth. The river takes you under and coddles you. It shows you that the world around you as a whole is exponentially greater than the sum of all your parts. A niche was found…my niche. This writer of experiences realized that the world is out there to be explored, for every element of wonder there is. This is God’s world and we’re living in it! This adventure is our homage to His creation. This life is His homage to our integrity. The river rolls on down to take-out beyond take-out. Every run, a rebirth. Every breath, another reason to live. This is where we prove our integrity.

On This Big Round Rock

I can’t count the number of times I’ve closed my eyes and aimed my face at the sun, but I can remember what it feels like to have that warm light radiating down on me. The tighter I close my eyes the wider my smile gets. I’m 30 years old and I still get happy every time I see the sun shining.

In the depths of depression, it’s impossible to walk outside and even see the sun, let alone feel its warmth. There sets a glaze over the eyes of the depressed soul. The existence of love within, the fullness of spirit, the magic of life that causes wonder – all of this becomes lost. The deception is that it is right there around us all the time, we just lose track of it, we become wrapped up in the distractions of the world. As we gain one thing that we desired, we decide that it doesn’t make us happy enough, so we look for something else to make us happy. This half-life of happiness, that worldly objects barely afford us, is what causes the gradual decay of our ability to love life.

I used to tell a girl, “Living life loving you makes loving life easy to do.” The problem was that if that person ever went away (which she did), loving life would, by default, become harder to do. I now assert that living life loving, makes loving life easy to do.

To find solace in the mundane things, by remembering all that we have and have achieved, is the answer to overcoming the foolish ruses of the deceiver. The world is God’s creation but it can certainly be the devil’s playground if we allow it. Stripping down and letting go of the chains of remorse, wanton desire and greed, will help us to ford that mucky river and find that shallow, narrow path once again!

No matter your geographic location, you can always close your eyes and be in the same place every time. Within your mind, heart and soul is where the love is that you keep for your loved ones. Your family and friends are all there collectively. We can all look up together, at the night sky, and see the same sky. We’re all on this rock together!

Growing Younger As Days Go By

This place should be a place where you feel safe. This home should be a home where you feel warm. The end should be an end where we can meet as friends. The start should be a pillow for your restless heart.

I see the innocence in your tired eyes, and sense you’re growing younger as the days go by. The cheer we as children so playfully embraced, seems to escape us on our grown-up faces. Sometimes, it’s hard to smile after we’ve been grinding drearily for a while. Tonight though, as you sleep I wish you well, and tomorrow you’ll be young again, I can tell.

With a dream in your mind as you rise and start your day, you’ll have that hope and happiness in everything you say. You won’t quite remember exactly what the dream was about…but you’ll know it’s happy ending and maybe how it started out. No longer will the middle of the dream monopolize your thoughts, with its chaotic tumultuosity tying you up in knots. This new day is about stepping forward inside your new cathartic existence, no longer a lowly serf, but now a prince or princess!

Is This Road Long Enough for the Trip I’m On?

Equilibrium is a myth in a world like this, at least in the case where the human mind is concerned. Never will your world come to a complete balance. If this standstill were achievable would any of us want it anyway? How boring would it be to simply have things exactly the way you want? Most of us have already had fleeting moments in our lives where we’ve experienced just this. It’s that moment your travelling in your car, the streetlights racing past, the night sky a faint blur, that perfect song playing on the stereo, your hand in your lover’s, and you think to yourself, “If I died right now, it would be alright…”

This moment of serendipity fades quickly as you think of all that would be lost if you were to die off then and there…so much life to be lived, only a small percentage of it the exact way you want it to be. Choices lead to change and change leads to more choices. Cloudy skies lead to rain, rain helps the flowers grow, flowers lead to loves gained, and without flowers maybe the sun would shine that much less. The sun always shines, even behind a cloudy sky. Today, tomorrow, next year may not go our way, but eventually, God will give us our day!

Requiem For a Joyful Journey

What a joy it is, this wonderful place! To get away alone for a day, only a faint trace of the human race. To live in Utah, in this mountainous wonderland…I hear the sounds of a distant stream, the subtle crackles from firewood, the flicker of light in the distance…

Sitting in the back of the Cherokee, writing down simple thoughts, thanking God for who I am, and forgetting about what I am not. The bright future lies ahead, and I remember the river…flowing as it did and I followed it. She cleansed my life, once in shambles–yet now there is a glimmer, a reflection of light on the other end of a long tunnel…

Mission: Sunset, Day 7

It was magical! I have been timing these sunsets every day for the past week, allowing for a minute or two of time difference each day. No need to rely on empirical evidence or even a Farmer’s Almanac…I felt it coming! I saw the clouds all over the sky and theorized about how epic this was going to be.

As I got my Jeep parked, I grabbed my camera and my iPod, made sure the vehicle was off, and ran to the hill. Rich, vibrant colors were mingling together in the sky. Orange flirted with yellow, indigo and violet carried on a conversation further to the west, and the feeling was that of serendipity. As I stood, shuffling through my playlist for the right soundtrack to this event, I got lost in what I saw and forgot about the music…it was merely background.

As random vehicles drove by, their passengers waved a happy salutation, they seemed to know why I was there. I realized as I looked to the north and to the south, that there were others who were captivated by this creation evolving in the western sky. A man who said he was from China entered my vicinity, and we chatted, briefly, in amazement as we feverishly snapped pictures. This was it, the denouement of my week-long mission to capture a cathartic sunset.

People may wonder why we have the inner urge to go west, and I may not be able to fully explain it…this I can offer in response: I want to go wherever that beautiful sun goes!

Whitney Afterdark

Wednesday, July 14

As the sun sets, and the moon rises in the eastern sky, the stars twinkle as they light up the pale blue night. Satellites travel slowly across the spangled enigma, a subtle flash of light…this begins the inner fight.

My mind a dialogue, neither personality stronger than the other, alpha versus alpha…the struggle wages on. One side, a being of light and happiness who wishes for something to help us when the other rages long…

When Orion takes the sky again, the moon will light his hunt…the day will come when he can bask in the spoils of his toils.