My Family – My Friends

Regarding family – I realize as each year goes by and as the holiday seasons come and go, that family becomes more and more important. I am not necessarily a heavy traveler; but I have moved around the country a little, while my family, for the most part, stays stationary.

When I was 18 and I had just graduated high school, the situation at home precipitated a hasty move to my Nana and Pappy’s house. I lived with them for a couple of years and then moved to the West, briefly. From there on, I was more or less living on my own. Among the myriad bad choices I made as a young adult – or overgrown child – I periodically had moments of clarity in which I ventured back to visit my family.

For anyone who is coming to realize their life is changing in their early adult years – as they move on to college or anything else that would necessitate leaving home – I can tell you that if you have and love your family, it never gets easier being away from them. The adage, “Absence makes the heart grow fonder,” has a lot of truth to it. The longer I stay away, the more often I schedule trips back, and the longer the trips become. Don’t get me wrong…I love where I live and what I am doing. Life is a constant game of growing, learning and adapting to what you have in front of you. If you don’t love what you see and what you have, then you need to find change within yourself. This is easy for me to preach, but not so easy (all of the time) for me to live by. I can say with hope though, everything is going to be alright.

Realize that if you are blessed enough to have a family, whatever its makeup, don’t ever take that for granted. Your friends may change, you may not feel like you have any, or that you have too many – someday you may realize that a true friend is something you’re still looking for – no matter what, your family will always be there in some way, shape or form.

The beauty of a belief in God – no matter what your perception of such a Being – is that we can know, and understand to some degree, that we will eventually transcend the current state of affairs and be reunited with our loved ones again…permanently. In this eternal return to the beginning of forever, we will all be reminded of exactly why we all came here in the first place. Until then, we’ll all just continue to scurry around on this big, round rock, scrambling for explanations and vacations, lattes and smoke breaks, cocktails and bong hits, church on Sundays and Family Home Evening on Mondays, cat-naps and dog-walks, yoga and zumba, spinning and Pilates, facials and massages; back, crack and sack waxes, ad nauseam – my point is, whatever it is that helps you feel a sense of fulfillment at the end of the day, always keep your loved ones in your heart. If we remember where we came from, we should always know where we are and where we’re going.

Newly Efficacious

The onion is the allegorical example best applied. As layers are peeled back, the core is better revealed, better realized. It may take some tears, it will definitely take determination, and what you find on the inside probably won’t look much at all like what you started with on the outside.

As I used to wander through life, it was easy to carry a chip on my shoulder, my heart on my sleeve and a monkey on my back. My mind was open to any possibility, however, at the time, I only put myself in places where not very much could’ve been possible. I was like a photographer using a wide-angle lens to capture a very narrow pocket of space, like the intersecting vertices of two walls meeting the ceiling. I had my head buried in the sand, so to speak, and I was nosing my way deeper and deeper into oblivion.

The day I met the Colorado River, a whole new world of possibilities began to show itself to me. The water, the current, the silt, the blue sky, the never-ending sun, the red rock, the yucca, the whiptail, the turkey vulture and the golden eagle…the list is endless. Torrential adrenaline rushes in whitewater and serene scenery in calm water opened my mind like no batch of acid ever could have. I saw nature for everything it was worth. As each day on the river went by, I knew less and less what this world, this life and my place in it was all about. What was most important, was that I was beginning to feel alive. When you spend any length of time under water wondering if you’re going to be able to come back out, it’s like a rebirth. The river takes you under and coddles you. It shows you that the world around you as a whole is exponentially greater than the sum of all your parts. A niche was found…my niche. This writer of experiences realized that the world is out there to be explored, for every element of wonder there is. This is God’s world and we’re living in it! This adventure is our homage to His creation. This life is His homage to our integrity. The river rolls on down to take-out beyond take-out. Every run, a rebirth. Every breath, another reason to live. This is where we prove our integrity.

On This Big Round Rock

I can’t count the number of times I’ve closed my eyes and aimed my face at the sun, but I can remember what it feels like to have that warm light radiating down on me. The tighter I close my eyes the wider my smile gets. I’m 30 years old and I still get happy every time I see the sun shining.

In the depths of depression, it’s impossible to walk outside and even see the sun, let alone feel its warmth. There sets a glaze over the eyes of the depressed soul. The existence of love within, the fullness of spirit, the magic of life that causes wonder – all of this becomes lost. The deception is that it is right there around us all the time, we just lose track of it, we become wrapped up in the distractions of the world. As we gain one thing that we desired, we decide that it doesn’t make us happy enough, so we look for something else to make us happy. This half-life of happiness, that worldly objects barely afford us, is what causes the gradual decay of our ability to love life.

I used to tell a girl, “Living life loving you makes loving life easy to do.” The problem was that if that person ever went away (which she did), loving life would, by default, become harder to do. I now assert that living life loving, makes loving life easy to do.

To find solace in the mundane things, by remembering all that we have and have achieved, is the answer to overcoming the foolish ruses of the deceiver. The world is God’s creation but it can certainly be the devil’s playground if we allow it. Stripping down and letting go of the chains of remorse, wanton desire and greed, will help us to ford that mucky river and find that shallow, narrow path once again!

No matter your geographic location, you can always close your eyes and be in the same place every time. Within your mind, heart and soul is where the love is that you keep for your loved ones. Your family and friends are all there collectively. We can all look up together, at the night sky, and see the same sky. We’re all on this rock together!

Pumpkin Seeds and Falling Leaves

Here we are, in the month of the Harvest Moon. We await the grand entrance of the Hunter, the owner of the night sky. In this, the 30th year of my life, I gaze in amazement at the beauty of the starlit horizon. The faint light pollution from the rural towns that surround slighty skews the view of heavenly constellations.

Still hot during the day, the air hangs almost stagnant as the sun still shines. But as the temperature drops after dusk, the poignant memory of past romances enters my mind. The leaves fall from the trees, they crackle under feet, and the wheels of hayride trucks and trailers pack them down for natural fertilizers for the ground. As the brittle leaves find moisture, they remind the nose, in all of its olfactory magnificence, of the intoxicating scents they take on as their chemicals ferment. Chlorophyllic metamorphosis: nature’s way of blending colors on its pallet.

The sun still sets in the same beautiful western sky, though it sets much earlier now; and soon as we see the setting of the Harvest Moon, and the dawning of the eleventh month, we will synchronize our clocks for even earlier sunsets. Let’s not whisk away the changing of the seasons so swiftly. We still have Halloween to look forward to…and tic-tack corn, and pumpkins aglow with their flickering, eery visages perched upon costumed porches. Ah, what romance in the air, as newly formed couples take their first walks under the moonglow; the love of parents and children, and neighbors generously disseminating a sugary crop.

This is a season of maturity and love, this is an age of newly gained perspectives, this is a time for hungering for the bounty that life will soon offer!

Sewersongs

Many years ago, we used to travel down below. Inside a subterranean world, like a wormhole where a mole would go. From within a dank and lengthy cave, the light that silhouetted our friends was faint. They would wave and yell, but we could barely tell from within our musky grave, if their banter was that of concern or not. From their view, they may not have been able to see us, down in that watery well.

We slapped our hands on our bellies, as the mouth-harp twanged away. The reverberations echoed wall-to-wall, light shone as the darkness began to fall. If bats were down there, they would lose their way; because the sonic thrusts and thumps would overload their tiny ears. Even now, so much later in life, I can still remember those adventures we took…so many years ago. We threw caution to the torrents and looked for life’s more memorable moments.

The sewer-lid, as it closed, eclipsed the sunlight from above…and those sewersongs we used to play, would serenade you, if you were to come along. We played for you…

Growing Younger As Days Go By

This place should be a place where you feel safe. This home should be a home where you feel warm. The end should be an end where we can meet as friends. The start should be a pillow for your restless heart.

I see the innocence in your tired eyes, and sense you’re growing younger as the days go by. The cheer we as children so playfully embraced, seems to escape us on our grown-up faces. Sometimes, it’s hard to smile after we’ve been grinding drearily for a while. Tonight though, as you sleep I wish you well, and tomorrow you’ll be young again, I can tell.

With a dream in your mind as you rise and start your day, you’ll have that hope and happiness in everything you say. You won’t quite remember exactly what the dream was about…but you’ll know it’s happy ending and maybe how it started out. No longer will the middle of the dream monopolize your thoughts, with its chaotic tumultuosity tying you up in knots. This new day is about stepping forward inside your new cathartic existence, no longer a lowly serf, but now a prince or princess!

Is This Road Long Enough for the Trip I’m On?

Equilibrium is a myth in a world like this, at least in the case where the human mind is concerned. Never will your world come to a complete balance. If this standstill were achievable would any of us want it anyway? How boring would it be to simply have things exactly the way you want? Most of us have already had fleeting moments in our lives where we’ve experienced just this. It’s that moment your travelling in your car, the streetlights racing past, the night sky a faint blur, that perfect song playing on the stereo, your hand in your lover’s, and you think to yourself, “If I died right now, it would be alright…”

This moment of serendipity fades quickly as you think of all that would be lost if you were to die off then and there…so much life to be lived, only a small percentage of it the exact way you want it to be. Choices lead to change and change leads to more choices. Cloudy skies lead to rain, rain helps the flowers grow, flowers lead to loves gained, and without flowers maybe the sun would shine that much less. The sun always shines, even behind a cloudy sky. Today, tomorrow, next year may not go our way, but eventually, God will give us our day!

Requiem For a Joyful Journey

What a joy it is, this wonderful place! To get away alone for a day, only a faint trace of the human race. To live in Utah, in this mountainous wonderland…I hear the sounds of a distant stream, the subtle crackles from firewood, the flicker of light in the distance…

Sitting in the back of the Cherokee, writing down simple thoughts, thanking God for who I am, and forgetting about what I am not. The bright future lies ahead, and I remember the river…flowing as it did and I followed it. She cleansed my life, once in shambles–yet now there is a glimmer, a reflection of light on the other end of a long tunnel…

Olfactory Memory – Summer: Past, Present, and Future

Just as the sun reaches a zenith in the sky each day, the summers come and go, each with their peaks, their bright moments and their periods behind the clouds. Every day we know the sun will greet us in the morning and bid us farewell in the evening. The same goes for the sweet smells, wild dreams and exhilarating adventures of summer.

Some days are “dog days” and others are cool and mellow. Just as in life, each summer illustrates to us that all days must be lived according to what we know to be true, regardless of how we feel at a specific moment. What we know in our heart will never die…the summer sun, the crystal skies, the river wild, the look of love in your loved ones eyes; these things will never die.

The poignant moments that are sometimes fleeting, sometimes overruled by despair and sadness, those are moments that live on inside our hearts…the sweet with the bitter. The intoxicating scents of wild-grown mountain flowers would not appeal so greatly, without the spectrum of olfactory memory to help me understand why….

Mission: Sunset, Day 7

It was magical! I have been timing these sunsets every day for the past week, allowing for a minute or two of time difference each day. No need to rely on empirical evidence or even a Farmer’s Almanac…I felt it coming! I saw the clouds all over the sky and theorized about how epic this was going to be.

As I got my Jeep parked, I grabbed my camera and my iPod, made sure the vehicle was off, and ran to the hill. Rich, vibrant colors were mingling together in the sky. Orange flirted with yellow, indigo and violet carried on a conversation further to the west, and the feeling was that of serendipity. As I stood, shuffling through my playlist for the right soundtrack to this event, I got lost in what I saw and forgot about the music…it was merely background.

As random vehicles drove by, their passengers waved a happy salutation, they seemed to know why I was there. I realized as I looked to the north and to the south, that there were others who were captivated by this creation evolving in the western sky. A man who said he was from China entered my vicinity, and we chatted, briefly, in amazement as we feverishly snapped pictures. This was it, the denouement of my week-long mission to capture a cathartic sunset.

People may wonder why we have the inner urge to go west, and I may not be able to fully explain it…this I can offer in response: I want to go wherever that beautiful sun goes!