A Sliver of Sky in a Slot

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We hiked for nine hours in what became a pretty intense midday sun. When my Chacoed feet hit the bubbling stream bed I was anxious to bathe my toes in the clear, tepid water. It was still morning when we started and my gut feeling to don sunscreen was overcome by a bravado desire to endure the trail without it. The first quarter-mile of the hike was invigorating. I tried to dig deep into my memory from five years ago when I originally hiked Mary Jane Canyon with my friend Christa. After only 20 minutes I realized that we might not have begun at the same place where Christa and I did. We were crossing electrified fences into and out of parcels of private property and at one point walked past an interesting looking resort peppered with full-size tee pees. My instincts were awry. I feebly fumbled through my mixed thoughts regarding whether or not we should turn back and pack it in or go on. I had a lot riding on this hike. I wanted to make sure I got in a solid day-hike that would make for good submission material to Backpacker magazine. I have yet to write that submission. I also had a friend along who was looking to experience a true Moab outdoor trek.

Breck and I decided to push on. After the first two miles I decided we should make our way to higher ground so I could get a better vantage point on our surroundings. We gained about 500 feet in altitude and I pulled out my trusty map. By that time the sun was at its apex and fiercely beating down on my naked skin. I finally gave in and pulled out the SPF 50 – later I would find that it was too little, too late. Climbing the ridge was a good idea that paid off. I was able to verify that we were heading in the right direction and found a small sliver of Professor Creek, the stream we were walking through in the first place, glistening in the distance. After scrambling down through the razor-sharp Chinle rock layer, we were able to bushwack our way back to the creek.

Another 30 minutes of wondering if I was crazy or knew what I was doing, and I was able to confirm that we were in fact in the same place that I graced with my presence five years prior. I told Breck not to worry, we were eventually going to see the epic waterfall at the end of Mary Jane Canyon. Mary Jane turns into a slot that weaves its way back for about three miles until it comes to a dead-end. It seemed like an eternity of twists and turns that all looked very similar to one another and, finally, I could hear the deafening gush of thousands of gallons of water crashing into a small pool. Before I turned the corner, I doubled back and yelled to Breck, “All I have to say is, ‘It’s about time!'” One leg of the canyon would be swathed in glorious sunlight and the next would be covered in ambient shade. The water was inviting and, just as I did the first time, I ducked my head beneath it for a brief bludgeoning by its rock-eroding force. It was certainly colder than it looked. I quickly walked 50 feet back into the sunlight to dry off and warm up. Breck followed suit shortly thereafter and found out how cold the water was.

It took us three hours to get back to the Jeep. On our way out, two Cliff Swallows played leapfrog through the slot, leading us back to the mouth of the canyon. It seemed as if the swallows were happy to have some company. Breck and I were the only people we saw all day until we got back to our transportation. It was nice to get away from civilization for a day. I have to say, though, I do not foresee myself hiking through a stream bed any time soon. My toes are still shriveled from walking in that water for so long. For anybody who is wondering, I got sunburned, but it was well worth it.

Gary Herbert, Utah’s Governator

Just a warning: this isn’t pretty, and it’s late, so let me just rant for a minute.

Well the nightmarish general session has finally come to an end here in Utah. Legislators are now free to call their illegally employed, undocumented worker nannies to watch their children as they head to Miami, Florida and Cabo San Lucas, Mexico to wait for spring to come to Utah. While they’re down there sipping on their full-strength, un-metered Cuba Libres and Pina Coladas, they’ll be able to look back and reflect on all of the damage they have done to the already dwindling freedoms that citizens of Utah try not to think about.

As I sit here sipping on my bedtime tea pondering questions like, If the government is supposed to represent the people, then who voted for a bill that would eliminate government transparency? If legislators continue to change boundary lines in order to split up non-Republican voters and weight districts in their favor, how are the minority party members supposed to have a voice? Did Gary Herbert ever have a backbone, or did he just slither out of his old skin and show his true self to the entire state of Utah.

In summation, after this recent general legislative session, we can look forward to full priced alcoholic beverages every day of the week – which doesn’t really hurt alcoholics as much as the already severely underpaid employees of restaurants and bars who are struggling to attract business in a highly oppressive atmosphere. Thankfully, all of those drunken hillbillies who are staying home to drink their watered-down Budweiser will still be prohibited from pulling out the shotgun and shooting at the neighbor’s cat. Well…they might actually still do that, but at least they won’t be able to use, “Hey, I thought that dern thing was one a them feral cats!” as a legitimate legal defense.

We already know about HB477, the bill that drastically limits the public’s ability to access PUBLIC records. At least Gary Herbert, Utah’s new “education czar” was able to oversee a whopping 2 percent hike in public education funding. We’ll see next year if Utah is able to climb out of the hole as the lowest spending state for public education, per student, in the nation. Utah spends just over $5,000 per student, per year (50th in the nation). At least Bronco Mendenhall is rich, along with every Utah legislator.

I don’t want to be all doom and gloom. At least we still have all of the beautiful, pristine backcountry that makes Utah such a popular vacation destination – well, at least for now. With land parcels being sold as low as $2 an acre in some places, we might just have to wave goodbye to all of that beautiful scenery and say hello to big corporate oil drillers and nuclear power plants. Edward Abbey, the snobby hypocrite that he was, had it right. Unfortunately when people get the idea to follow his ecosaboteurist musings like Tim Dechristopher did, they head straight to court for a guilty verdict. The only thing people like Tim Dechristopher are guilty of is having the balls to stand up for what they believe in, in a place where the institutions that are supposed to protect the people do nothing but hammer them down.

Listen everybody! The government does not care about you or I. Legislators are out for themselves and the few people they can bring with them. I’m sure Gary Herbert would throw anybody under a bus if it meant he would be governor again after next election. But this problem I speak of isn’t only in Utah, it’s all over the nation. What is it going to take for us to win back our country? Bipartisan dissolution? An uprising or social movement of epic proportions that involves educating people of just how effed over we’re getting? Pick up a newspaper or book, or better yet, write your Governor, Senator or Representative and chew them out! Thank you for reading. Good night. I promise my next post will be happy and frilly.

As We Silently Swirl Around and Down

I know this won’t matter to a lot of people – two groups, specifically: old Republicans and young techno-addicts – but for the rest of you, you may want to start preparing for Armageddon!

My roommate thinks the best and only part of the newspaper is the Sunday funnies. I know this because he said so. Then again, he never leaves his room except to microwave some crappy, overpriced frozen crap that he bought in aisle 9 at the grocery store. Some days I can hear him talking to one of his World of Warcraft friends that he’s never actually seen in person and therefore probably pictures as an elf or a warlock or something. He’s always complaining about how bored he is now that he’s laid off from his illustration job, yet the bathroom or kitchen never get any cleaner as a result of anything he does.

How do I find time to clean the bathroom and kitchen when I’m so busy reading the newspaper and blogging about politics? You ask. I guess I’m just that cool.

I want to warn those of you out there who firmly stand by your views and enjoy the freedoms that come along with democracy. I also want to warn those of you out there who claim you don’t care about politics and that politicians are all the same and that’s why you don’t vote. For the latter group, get off your a$$ and pick up a friggin’ newspaper or book. That’s right, put down your damn iPhone for five minutes and realize that Twitter and Facebook might be good jumping off points, but there is a big world outside of the cybersphere that is getting more and more corrupt as you tweet. Not voting, not being involved and being under-educated is what has gotten us into this mess. 

In today’s Salt Lake Tribune, it is reported that Gov. Gary Herbert did in fact sign HB477 into action, thus revealing where his loyalties lie (as if we didn’t already know). Another bill, HB220, according to the Tribune “would ensure Utah students learn the U.S. is a compound constitutional republic – not a democracy” and “has passed both houses of the Legislature and is now headed to the governor for his signature.”

I assure you, this is not how the founding fathers intended things to end up. One or two of them may have had alternative views but the sound mind of democracy took over and yanked them all back into gear. I and many people from similar religious backgrounds firmly believe in God and also believe that the U.S. Constitution is a document directly inspired by Him. Democracy is inspired of God. Utah legislators have reduced government transparency, weakened the foundation, slightly as it may be, of the fourth estate, and now prepare for a full, frontal attack on the people.

I’m going to go out on a limb here and say that if we start teaching kids that they don’t live in a democracy, the next step is implementing a society that looks a lot like scenes from Pink Floyd’s “The Wall.” Every day I read the Utah Legislature section of the newspaper, I have to choke down my breakfast. I get more and more nauseous with every passed, freedom-reducing, government-strengthening, anti-democracy bill that works its way through the crooked, bony fingers of those old men on the Hill.

Here is the First Amendment:

Amendment I

Freedoms, Petitions, Assembly

Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press, or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievance.